121 Daily Challenges m

Daily Challenges (Members Page)

Here is an example of how to use the 3 Step Process…………..

Step 1……….Identify the positive emotions you want to feel…………

Step 2……….Ask yourself Quality Questions………….(Questions that explore how to create the opportunities to make a positive difference to the challenge!)….

Step 3.…….Take practical Steps to create the results and postive emotions you want in your life.

AwarenesANIM-RED

Use the Search facility with key words to find relevant challenges that will help you

 

Click on the emotion to find out much more on how to either deal with a  negative emotion or develop a  positive emotion…………………

 

Life's Daily Challenges...Members

Daily ChallengeNegative Emotions STEP 1
Positive Emotions
STEP 2
Quality Question for Self
STEP 3
Practical Tips to move your forward
Family

"My daughter leaves home tomorrow"


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Empty Nest Syndrome

Not Needed

Sad
Acceptance

Fulfilment

Progressive
How can I make this a happy occasion for all of us?
Am I focussing on the 'down' side of this situation?
What are the 'up' sides?
Focus on the benefits to your daughter life of moving out and on in her life.
See this as a new era for you and embrace it with excitement and enthusiasm.
Share your thoughts with someone close to you (other than your daughter).
Write your daughter a letter, expressing your love and gratitude of having her over the last 'x' years.
Home/Work

"Too many Cold Calls on the telephone"


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Annoyance

Distraction

Irritation
Calm

Nonchalant

Patience
Is it worth getting worked up about?
How can I be aware of which call is a cold call?
What will be my automatic response?
Work out an automatic response, so you are ready when they come.
Get call id on your phone.
Accept that this is some individuals way of earning a living!
Work

"Negative feedback from a work colleague about my professional expertise."

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Disgruntled

Offended

Undermined
Letting go (of something)

Move on (from a negative situation)

Self belief
Is there some truth in that feedback?
How can I learn from that? Do I need to do anything different?
Am I following my own conscience….intuition?
Don’t take it personally.
Learn from the situation.
Take alternative action.
Try something else.
Relationships

"Just got a text from boyfriend of 3 months, cancelling date, twice on the trot. Don't know how to react."

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Disappointed

Heavy-hearted

Suspicious
Non-judgmental

Open minded

Relaxed
Am I prepared to 'go with the flow' on this one?
Respond accordingly.
Has the person got a lot of 'stuff' going on in their life at the moment?
Just sit back and watch.
All this movement giving you important info about the future.
Remember, this might not be about you. Wait to see next move, calmly.
Get on with your life.
Family

"My Mum misunderstood me when I asked her if I could borrow some money, she thought I wanted her to give it to me and now she's taken the huff!"

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Frustrated

Unheard

Upset
Being understood

Connected

Secure
How did the communication get misheard?
Which bit didn't they understand?
How can I make myself heard?
Shall I try again in a different way?
Apologize for the misunderstanding, ask again but giving an explanation of when you'll pay it back. Change your words/actions/body language.
Use 'Shelley's script' as a dialogue guide. Address the issue sooner rather than later, rather than live with the negative feelings.
Environment

"Woke up to the rain hammering down outside, and immediately feel rubbish."

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Disappointed

Gloomy

Sad
Acceptance

Open minded

Optimistic
Am I going to let the weather determine my state of mind?
How can I adapt to the changing weather? What will make me feel comfortable?
Wear appropriate clothing, Bright clothes. Change or postpone activities appropriately Today ….is bigger than the weather.
Relationship

"I need to speak to my ex partner over an issue concerning the kids, and I am frightened of making the call."

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Fearful

Procrastination

Vulnerable
Assertive

Confident

Strong
How can I emotionally protect myself in this situation?
What do I need to say to move our situation on?
How can I communicate that in a mutually beneficial way?
What is important to us both?
Know the outcome you want before you communicate, Prepare a 'Shelley's Script'.
Use the 'Golden Web' self protection method before the conversation.
Watch your body language….make sure your upright and draw upon the strength you need.
Take deep breathes, believe in yourself!
Communication

"I've got to go and complain because the new TV I bought arrived with a cracked screen and I'm not very good at complaining."

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Hesitant

Nervous

Worried
Assertive

Confident

Proactive
Is this situation worth the effort involved in seeing it through? What am I willing to do to get through this?
Is this situation important to me?
How can I make this easy for myself?
Work out the easiest way to address the problem, telephone, email or in person. Write a 'Shelley's Script' to be pre-armed.
Visualize yourself being assertive and getting the desired result.
Adopt a JDI attitude, it'll be over before you know it!
Car

"I keep getting continually annoyed with inconsiderate drivers whilst driving my car."

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Abusive

Frustrated

Impatient
Calm

Civilised

Patience
What attitude do I need to adopt to stay safe? How can I lead by example?
Is it doing me any good to get worked up?
Make the car/road your friend, not your enemy. It's a facility for getting from A - B. just know you'll get there when you do.
Keep your concentration at top level.
Be highly aware of the actions of others.
Act in a civilised way, rather than be rude.
Know the other person may be unaware, unable, tired or in a rush, allow for others vulnerability.
Family

"My daughter wants to get married on Cup Final day! Football is important to me!"

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Disappointed

Frustrated

Irritation
Balanced

Calm

Happy
How can I work around this?
What is more important to me?
Focus on what is really important to you. Decide to let the disappointment go, it is a choice.
Visualize the wedding day and what it means to your daughter.
Car

"The car has broken down and I'm due at a business meeting in 30 minutes!"

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Frustrated

Inadequate

Unprofessional
Clear headed

Efficient

Proactive
How is this going to affect my day?
How can I get where I want to go?
What can I do to turn the situation around?
Stay calm and focused knowing you can create a plan Make a phone ahead to the person who is expecting you.
Call RAC, AA, Mechanic. Rearrange appointments accordingly.
Look up public transport.
Call a Taxi
Car

"I've run into the car in front at the traffic light! (No one injured), I feel very shaken!!"

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Numb

Shocked

Stupid
Calm

Clear headed

Efficient
How do I stop shaking?
What is the proper procedure?
Is there anyone I need to ring?
Allow yourself time to come round from the shock.
Take some deep breathes.
Appreciate it could have been worse.
Check you are not in danger.
Stay calm and civilised.
Take the others insurance details if necessary.
Holiday

"We are going on holiday and are late for the flight!"

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Panic

Rushed

Tense
Clear headed

Focussed

Happy
Am I faffing around?
Is there a way to get there quickly?
Am I making the most use of my time here?
How can I calm down?
Focus on the journey, you can only get there in the time you've got.
Stay calm.
Focus on the excitement of the up and coming holiday.
Work

"I get the feeling a colleague at work doesn't like me!"

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Distraction

Rejected

Unloved
Acceptance

Balanced

Being Liked
Is it my imagination?
Am I projecting my own dislike of them onto them?
Are they behaving like that because of what's going on in their life?
Just know that not every body likes everybody!
Recognise their Values are completely different to yours!!
Remember, what they think of you is non of your business.
Work

"The man I work with keeps shouting at me when he thinks I'm doing things wrong."

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Distraction

Sad

Weak
Assertive

Empowered

Strong
What can I do differently?
Where else in my life to I display the strength needed to address this situation?
I can do it!
Work out what you want the situation to be like.
Change your words, actions, body language.
Know you are just as important as the bully.
Imagine how you will feel when you stand up for yourself.
Well Being

"I keep waking up in the night!"

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Anxiety

Restless

Tired
Rested

Engergized

On The Ball
How can I create a different sleep pattern?
What am I doing, eating or drinking to get in the way of a decent nights sleep? Am I worrying over any situation? If so, how can I address it?
Change sleep patterns.
Get a relaxing routine before bed.
Don’t watch TV in bed.
Have a warm relaxing drink (not caffeine, alcohol, or fizzy).
Watch what you eat.
Take a pad and paper to jot down stuff to empty your mind.
Try relaxation techniques, cd's or soft music.
Home/Relationships

"Row With the Neighbour"

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Aggrieved

Bitter

Victimised
Amicable

Calm

Heard
Is the row worth the aggro?
How can we resolve this matter?
Calm down after the event before launching in.
Sleep on it, letting the neighbours calm down too.
See the argument from the neighbours point of view too.
Cordially suggest you both discuss the situation in a civilised fashion.
Remember, you have to live next to these people!!
Family/Children

"My son keeps being cheeky, answering me back, in a not very nice way."

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Angry

Out of Control

Unloved
Heard

Loved

Respected
Am I behaving like my child (shouting, being sarcastic etc.)?
Do I recognise any 'learnt' behaviours? How can I manage this communication differently?
Are my expectations realistic?
Stand back and view situation from a distance.
Inspect your expectations in relation to the child's values. Link what you want to happen, to something that is important to the child.
Consider compromising or change your delivery if you recognise your behaviour or communication is inappropriate.
Shopping

"I'm standing in a queue in a supermarket and feel isolated and lonely."

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Cut Off

Irritation

Isolated
Connected

Proactive

Resourceful
How can I resolve this problem?
Have I got alternative communication?
How can I best make use of my time?
Decide to do something about the situation.
Ask around for a spare handset or contact a supplier. Have a pre-stored list of your mobile numbers on separate listing (pc). Have an old handset available.
Work/Home

"I'm sat at home and my mobile phone has stopped working."

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Cut Off

Irritation

Isolated
Connected

Proactive

Resourceful
How can I resolve this problem?
Have I got alternative communication?
How can I best make use of my time?
Decide to do something about the situation.
Ask around for a spare handset or contact a supplier.
Have a pre-stored list of your mobile numbers on separate listing (pc).
Have an old handset available.

Work/Home

"Internet gone down and I can't access
Facebook!! ARRG!!!"

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Cut Off

Irritation

Panic
Acceptance

Calm

Proactive
What steps do I need to take to get re-connected?
Have I taken those steps?
Can I access (free) Wi-Fi somewhere else?
Which other part of my business or life can I work on whilst I am dis-connected?
How did I survive before FaceBook!!
Take the necessary steps to be re-connected.
Have a back-up plan in respect of the internet if your livelihood is dependant on it, if you haven't got one in place, create one.
Think how else you use the time in a valuable way.
Know that life does carry on even though the internet is down, Just Go With The Flow!
Money

"My outgoings are bigger than my
incomings!"

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Anxiety

Desperate

Worried
Imaginative

In Control

Proactive
How can I generate more income?
Where can I go for professional advice (free or otherwise) ?
Am I living within my means?
Am I being extravagant?
Stay calm and focus on your resources, talents and skills and look for opportunities.
Cut down where possible, until you are able to resume normal outgoings..
Look around for advise (professional or otherwise).
Be open to new ideas.
Work/Mind-Set

"I had an interview last week and I can't settle because I'm waiting to hear."

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Agitated

Moody

Worried
Acceptance

Calm

Excited

Is thinking about this possibility stopping me looking elsewhere?
Am I putting all my eggs in one basket?
Is this just one of many opportunities out there?
Know that whatever the outcome is (getting the job or not), will take you down new paths, either proceeding in the new position, or something else is waiting in the wings.
Distract yourself whilst waiting with productive thoughts and actions.
Believe in your talents and skills, the right opportunity is there!
Car

"A Flashing Police Car Behind me on the road."

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Anxiety

Distraction

Frightened
Acceptance

Calm

In Control
What technique shall I use to stay calm?
How can I co-operate to get the best outcome of this situation?

Take deep breathes and realise this could be routine.
Pull over immediately and safely, turn the engine off, roll down your window.
Wait to see identification, if the vehicle is unmarked.
It's OK to greet the officer, but wait to be asked a question, don't just blurt our any guilt /Know that the officer is just doing his job.
Work

"The Monday morning blues make me sad and want to be happy as I know I'm productive when I'm happy."


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Fed Up

Pessimistic

Lethargic
Happy

Motivated

Proactive
Is my purpose big enough to jettison me into a Monday morning?
How can I make Mondays exciting? Can I change particular things that bring me down on a Monday?
Turn Monday into FUN day!...It's all in the mind!
Set short term exciting goals.
Organise something to look forward to on Monday evening and keep that in sight in the day.
Create a bigger Purpose than the one you have at the moment!
Work

"Where can I get more clients from?"

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Anxiety

Frustrated

Stagnant
In The Flow

Growth

Productive
Am I being too hard on myself ?
Are my expectations
too high?
Am I investigating all avenues open to me? Am I willing to accept the level of progression I am experiencing?
Set short term exciting goals, visualising the clients you want to work with, have files waiting to be filled with their info.
Create a written profile of the businesses, clients you want to work with.
List the benefits to those clients of your skills.
Be open-minded, patient and accepting of the level of growth, knowing with persistence, action and a JDI attitude the clients will appear!
Money/Work

"When am I going to get paid?"

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Anxiety

Financially Deprived

Frustrated
Financially Secure

Patience

Valued
Are my expectations for quick payment too high?
Is this an Occupational Hazard in the profession?
Is it appropriate to chase the money?
Have I set the right payment terms?
Did I make the payment terms clear when confirming the job?
Chase if appropriate (perhaps a statement or email).
Accept the money will come through and let go of the impatience.
Check expectations and payment terms./
Work

"Difficulty in coming up with material/ideas for work"

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Anxiety

Desperate

Frustrated
Focussed

Inspired

Motivated
What environment is the best to be in, to be inspired?
Where shall I start?
Have I written the title or subject matter on a piece of paper to make that start?
Have I given my brain enough space to allow the ideas to flow?
Do I need a structure to bring on the ideas?
Create 'brain' space, to give room in your mind..
Think outside the box. Create a system that works for you.
Get in the habit of asking yourself Quality Questions (especially just before you fall asleep).
Friends

"Friends negatively offloading and bringing my mood down"

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Dejected

Depressed

Sad
Self Protection

Unaffected

Upbeat
Am I prepared to listen to this?
How can I protect myself from the negativity, as I want to be there for my friend? Can I be emotionally detached yet supportive?
Use the self protection techniques.
Keep the conversation short when you become aware of how it's affecting you.
Talk in the positive, instead of just agreeing (friend will either get fed up, or change her energy)
Actually vocalise you don’t want to hear this!
Friends

" Being upset because friends stay out of touch as they are getting on with their lives"

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Isolated

Left Out

Rejected
Connected

Loved

Needed
Are my expectations of the level of communication a fantasy?
How can I keep in touch to a level that keeps us both happy?
Is it time to let these friends go and accept they have moved on?
When you feel the void from certain friends, fill the void with other friends, (you never loose anything, it just gets transformed).
Decide to accept they are doing other stuff.
Fill your life with your new stuff, keep busy and inspired yourself. Keep in touch from a distance.
Mind-Set

Thinking about doctors appointment on Wednesday and if she is going to put me on any more medication, already taking 3 different types already.

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Anxiety

Gloomy

Sorry for Myself
Enthusiastic

Go with the Flow

Productive
How can I distract my mind till Wednesday? Am I willing to trust the Doctor to do the right thing?
Am I looking after myself, keeping myself in the best condition I can?
Decide to put the Doctors appointment to the back of my mind till Wednesday morning, trusting she will do the best thing for me.
Get stuck into the projects I want to give my time to.
Know that the medication will help my condition, it’s about finding the right ‘cocktail’ to suit my needs. Eat, drink, sleep and exercise well, to keep my body in the best condition.
Friends / Relationships

" I'm getting stressed out because friends don’t immediately respond to texts"

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Frustrated

Ignored

Left Out
Acceptance

Calm

Patience
Am I expecting too much from my friends?
Am I making it hard for myself to feel good? Could they be busy with work, other stuff? Do I sometimes not respond immediately?
Don’t expect an immediate response and if you get one it's a pleasant bonus. Accept people have busy lives. Know that you too, don’t respond EVERY time immediately. Respect their option not to reply straight away, as you would hope they would respect yours.
Well-Being

"I'm waking up so tired and don’t have the motivation to do anything!"

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Exhausted

Lazy

Lethargic
Motivated

Refreshed

Upbeat
Is my sleep pattern out of sync?
Did I drink or eat anything last night not conducive to a good nights sleep?
Am I satisfied with my life, or is it lacking Purpose?
Am I overly-worried about any particular subject?
Check your diet, sleep pattern and night time routine.
Know you have something inspiring to get up for (if you haven't. then find something!).
Try relaxation cd's or soft music.
Avoid TV an Phone viewing in bed, read instead. Have a pen and paper handy to empty your thoughts into.
Work

"My boss has a habit of only focussing on the negative and ruins the start of your day."

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Demotivated

Disheartened

Stuck
Engergized

Inspired

Optimistic
Am I prepared to let my boss bring me down? How can I take responsibility for my own mood?
What can I focus on, in my work that I find challenging and inspiring?
What can I do to make today fantastic?
Know that your bosses negativity is his/her stuff, not yours.
Kick the Self Protection in as soon as you hear it in their voice.
Be your bosses balance and focus on the positive.
Make every day count.
Relationships / Divorce

"My ex husband keeps bad mouthing me to my children and it's very distressing for them and for me."


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Angry

Frustrated

Indignant
Calm

Collaborative

Moving Forward
How can I approach my ex over this issue in a non confrontational manner?
Shall I ring/write or email?
How do I want us to be conducting our parts as co-parents? Am I behaving in a reasonable way myself?
Look at your situation from a distance and write down how you'd like to co-parent the children.
Write or have a conversation to that effect (see Shelleys script in Survival Tools).
Have a calm, civilised dialogue presenting the benefits to the children and the bigger picture when putting your case forward (out of earshot of the children).
Friendships

" I've given a friend a second chance over their bad behaviour and they just repeat it and I feel like a mug."

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Disappointed

Disillusioned

Stupid
Acceptance

Nonchalant

Thankful
Am I prepared to give them another chance? How can I express my feelings on the consequences of their action? (If at all? )
Are my expectations too high?
Are they capable of being who I expect them to be?
Learn from the experience
Change your future behaviour where applicable .
Vocalise if necessary. View the experience as an indication of their Values and then either accept them for who they are or let go.
Work

"I'm consistently working hard but one complaint brings me down and I never feel I'm good enough."

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Dejected

Not Good Enough

Sad
Motivated

Nonchalant

Open minded
Where am I placing my focus and am I reaching my own expectations?
Am I acknowledging I am being the best I can be?
Focus on all the good work you are doing. Know and accept that there is always a balance, praise and reprimand…they go together, you will not get one without the other.
Use your own judgement as to whether you are fulfilling your potential and if there is room for improvement, act on it.
Mind-set

"I feel I have no energy and can't do anything worthwhile."

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Demotivated

Listless

Sad
Engergised

Motivated

Upbeat
How can I improve my energy level, exercise, food, rest wise?
Am I looking after myself?
See the time you spend building up your energy as important as your work. Know that the 'no energy' feeling is a signal to change something…what is it? Short term goals inspire you, infuse energy, set some SMART exciting goals, (in all areas of life) your energy will increase.
Home /Garden

"A woman passed my house and threw rubbish in my garden!"

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Angry

Annoyance

Irritation
Calm

Houseproud

Non-judgmental
Is it worth getting down about?
Can I express my displeasure to the offender? (or am I putting myself in danger?)
Know that the woman has different Values to you.
See the litter in the same way you see weeds and act accordingly (just accept that it has to be tided up)
Focus on the gratitude of having a garden and your own space.
Home / Relationships

"I'm tired, I seem to do everything around the house. We need to share the work load."

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Used

Taken for Granted

Not Valued
Equality

Fair Exchange

Team Player
How can I have a conversation about the way I'm feeling?
Is the situation really unfair or is it my mind creating the resentment because I'm tired?
Does the other person do stuff in other areas of our life/business? Am I minimising the importance of my everyday chores?
Create an 'fair exchange' ethos, look further that the jobs you do, take into account the other areas.
Ask for help, the other person may not know how you feel.
Know the 'jobs' you do play an important role in your life.
Friendship

"An old friend has just died and it upsets me."

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Grief

Remorse

Sad
Acceptance

Letting Go (of someone)
Am I prepared to let go of the grief?
How can I celebrate knowing my friend?
Accept that death is an inescapable part of life. Look at the matrix of life from the bigger picture .
Allow yourself to let your friend go with love.
Honour your friends memory with Love. Celebrate you both played a valuable role in each others lives.
Work

" I T systems don’t like me (it’s a fact of life)"

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Frustrated

Hampered

Not Good Enough
At Ease

Competent

Supported>
Do I need to improve my skills by going on a course? Have I got the support around me I need?
Are my expectations of me too high? Am I being patient enough with myself?
Look around at the people in your life, ask for help, people are often happy to help. Allow yourself a bit more time for the IT involvement. Decide to be open to the systems and see them as a beneficial aide to your life, rather than a hindrance.
Christmas/Work

"I'm dreading going to the Office Party!!"


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Dutiful


Hypocritical


Pressured
Comfortable

Free to Choose

True To Self
Do I really want to go?
Why do I feel obliged to go?
Appreciate you do have a choice, go or not go. Perhaps go and give your colleagues the opportunity to show their 'out of school' persona.
Christmas / Family

"The thought of visits to and from relatives is daunting."

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Bad Family Vibes

Worry

Trepidation
At Ease

Connected

Happy
How can we keep visitors entertained?
When I hate them, how can I be nice?
How can I change the way I think about them?
Plan games to pass the time.
Decide to put pre-conceived family judgements aside for the Christmas period.
Imagine they are farmyard animals to lighten your mood.
Christmas/Money

"I haven't got enough money to pay for everything!"


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Anxiety
Financially Inadequate

Poor
Comfortable

Financially Stable

How can I budget?
How much money do I need for after Christmas?
Where can I go for bargains?
Am I setting my spending budget too high?
Work out your budget.
Decide to only spend what you set out to spend.
Think ahead, so you’re not buying on the last minute (Expensive)
Christmas / Relationships

"I'm going to be squabbling over the Christmas planning with my Partner!"


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Marital Stress

Relationship Breakdown

Sad
Connected

Harmony

Love
How can we make our Christmas special?
What does my partner enjoy doing?
Can we plan in some ‘us’ time?
TALK about how you both want to enjoy Christmas.
Decide to work together to make it a special Christmas.
Allow each other to have the space needed to relax and chill out.
Take equal turns at entertaining the children/relatives.
Be mindful of your partner’s family, giving them the respect you would like your family to receive.
Christmas/Environment

"The pressure from advertising is overwhelming."


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Anxiety

Manipulated

Pressured
At Ease

Free To Choose

Nonchalant
Can I ignore all the hype?
Am I buying into their mind games?
Just know being wound up by the hype is a choice, choose to ignore it all.
Stick to your budgeted plan.
Christmas/Environment

"How will I cope with my Changes and New Circumstances"


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Anxiety

Fearful

Stressed
At Ease

Confident

Secure
ow can I make this year enjoyable, even though it’ll be different.
What are the benefits of the new situation? (And there will be some; you just have to allow yourself to look!)
Decide to approach Christmas with a positive attitude.
Create a different routine, to suit the needs of all concerned.
Embrace the challenge of moving through this next milestone with enthusiasm for the future and gratitude for the past Christmases.
Christmas / Relationships

"I have a fear of being alone at Christmas."


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Bereft

Depressed

Loneliness
Connected

Involved

Loved
How can connect with family/friends/community?
Is there anywhere I can volunteer and feel involved?
Reach out to others, with a smile and a friendly approach.
Plan ahead to ensure not too much time alone.
Christmas / Home

"The house is a mess and the thought of cleaning/preparing it is overwhelming!"


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No Time

Rushed

Houseproud

Prepared

Relaxed
Am I too fussy?
Can I chunk down the chores involved over a few weeks?
Just accept your home is what it is and what others think is up to them.
Think of your house as a home, not a perfect show house.
Life / Environment

"I don’t like the dark, it makes me sad"

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Depressed

Downbeat

Sad
Nonchalant

Normal

Happy
Am I focussing on the environment more than the important 'stuff' in my day?
Is my 'purpose' big enough to overcome my thoughts of the dark?
Wear bright clothes in the Winter.
Accept the 'dark' as the balance of the day.
Look for opportunities to enjoy the time spent whilst it's 'dark'.
Take the word 'dark' out of your vocabulary and replace it with a more acceptable description (maybe night time, evening, not light, etc.)
Home

"People who empty packets and leave the empty packet in the cupboard."

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Annoyance

Irritation

Scruffy
At Ease


Acceptance

Non-judgmental
Can I change this disturbing behaviour?
Do I need to vocalise this? Am I prepared to let it go? Have I considered that tidiness is not one of the other persons Values?
Assuming this is not done to aggravate you, decide to let it go as sweating about the little stuff is a waste of energy. Know that everyone lives within their own Value system and this is where yours differs.
Family/Work

"People who use all your milk and don’t replace it with the same as the one you bought in the first place"


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Taken for Granted

Annoyance


Inconvenience
Fair Exchange

Part of a Team

Equal

Respected
Do we need to create boundaries, ground rules?
How do I address this issue?
Am I prepared to let the other 'get away' with this inconsiderate behaviour?
Bring the subject up and create boundaries, ground rules.
Decide this is unacceptable and address the issue in the correct manner.
Either accept the bad behaviour and let it go or decide to tackle it.
Know that the other person is living by his own Values (Standards).
Personal / Work

"It's the end of another year and I don't feel I've progressed at all!!"


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Disappointed

(feeling) Older

Stagnant
Content

Growth

Satisfied
What would I like to achieve in the coming year?
How can I grow and progress from where I am now?
What resources do I need to move forward?
Accept you have been where you needed to be in the closing year and have enthusiasm about the coming year.
Brainstorm where and what you want to achieve in the New Year.
Create a realistic goal and milestones to work with.
Home / Work

"People who think that because I’m a woman, I will make tea, wash up and hoover."


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Annoyance

Disrespected

Taken for Granted
Equal

Fair Exchange

Respected
How do we change the habits that have been created?
Am I responsible for 'just doing it'?
Do we need to create boundaries, ground rules?
Have I 'allowed' this situation to evolve?
Have a conversation using 'I' messages, around how this behaviour makes you feel.
Take responsibility for changing the situation.
Office

"People that say "Oh, can you do this, can you do that?" when you announce you are ‘nipping’ to the bank!"


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Inconvenience

People Pleasing

Taken Advantage Of
Assertive

Efficient

Independent
Have I expressed the effect of time involved with all the extra errands?
Have I let this situation escalate?
How can I reverse this trend in the correct manner?
Decide to say No when it's inconvenient to you. Start to value your own time and reflect that in your communication.
Think what you can achieve with the extra time saved.
Relationships

"I keep rowing with my husband and I'm frightened we might split up"


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Angry

Fear of Being Alone

Resentful
Harmony


Partnership

Secure
How can we create a passionate friendship again, as it was when we first met?
Do we spend enough time on our own?
What hobbies can we do together?
Organise 'date' nights, on a regular basis.
Find common interests again. Praise and 'be nice' to your partner more.
Show an interest in their interests and work,
Lighten your attitude and be the partner you would like to be.
Car

"People don’t indicate at roundabouts and it irritates me."


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Annoyance

Frustrated

Judgemental
Acceptance

Calm

Tolerance
Am I blowing this out of proportion?
Am I prepared to let others affect my mood?
Realise you have no control over others driving ability.
Accept that this lack of skill is as it is.
Let the bad habits go over your head.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, it's not worth it.
Shopping

"Staff in shops who are serving you, but continue to talk to their colleague on the other till"


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Insulted

Frustrated
Calm



Non-judgmental

Nonchalant
How much better will I feel if I let the bad vibes go?
Am I going to complain about this service?
If not, don’t allow it to affect my mind.
Customer Service assistants come in all guises, just know that the person serving you is one of the non efficient ones.
Let go of the judgement and don't allow that person to cause you negativity.
Car

"People who don’t thank me when I let them out of a junction, car park, shop door etc."


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Annoyance

Irritation

Disrespected

Acceptance

Non-judgmental

Nonchalant
Do I expect other to have the same standards, values as me?(fantasy).
Why am I torturing myself over stuff outside my control.
If it's out of your control, LET IT GO.
Be a good role model, and shoe respect, politeness where possible.
Smile and they might be respectful and smile back.
Car

"Cars that drive dangerously on the motorway (which covers undertaking, weaving between lanes and driving too close)"


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Danger

Frightened

Irritation
Calm

In Control
Safe
Am I taking as much care as I can?
How can I minimise the risks to myself and others?
Focus on your safe driving . / Not taking any risks. / Accept that silly drivers are an inevitable part of motorway driving. / STAY SAFE!! / Decide to let go of the negative reactions, as these will impede your good judgement /
Work

"When Virgin have a broadband fault, just as I sit down for a day’s work (quite a regular occurrence)"


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Annoyance

Irritation


Inconvenience
Calm

Efficient

Productive
How can I best make use of my time?
What offline job have I been putting off?
Can I hook into any other Wi-Fi in the meantime?
See the broadband issue as an occupational inconvenience, (just like a closed motorway).
Accept it's part of your environment and decide to let the annoyance go.




Communication

"People who text, then text again 5 minutes later and keep doing it until you reply (don’t people realise you may be unavailable or driving)!"


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Irritation

Nagged


Smothered
Nonchalant

Patience

Space
Do I need to tell them to stop nagging?
Do I need to create boundaries here?
Just know that you will answer in your own time, and let the negativity go.
Adopt an 'I'll answer when I'm ready attitude'! (with no negative attachments)
Communication

"Text speak or dreadful grammar on Facebook"


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Affronted

Irritation

Disappointed
Acceptance

Nonchalant

Non-judgmental
Am I judging others by my standards?
Am I allowing myself to get worked up over others failings?
Realise how eloquent YOU are.
Expect to see all sorts on open Social Media.
Let go off judgements, they will bring you down.
Car

"People who park in disabled spots when they quite clearly aren’t disabled."


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Annoyance

Frustrated

Judgemental
Calm

Nonchalant

Non-judgmental
Am I prepared to speak out?
Am I judging others by my standards, values? (fantasy)
If it's out of your control, LET IT GO.
Decide to let others be who they are and focus on what is going on in your reality, not theirs.
Work

"Ringing up a supplier (in my case Virgin), on an 0845 no, so already you are trying to keep it short, then it being answered by a foreign person, who always starts by asking how your day is!  Then not understanding your enquiry!  Guaranteed to get you reaching for the brandy bottle!"


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Frustrated
Irritation

Time Wasting
Cordial

Efficient

Patience
Am I expecting anything else? (fantasy)
Can I cut to the chase earlier in the conversation?
See this type of conversation as part of your remit and exercise patience and acceptance as it's something you cannot change.
Let go of the angst you feel towards the person on the other end of the phone, they are following a script!
Work

"Not having enough hours in the day. Running out of hours but still having a long list of jobs to do"


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Headless Chicken

Overwhelmed

Rushed
Good Time Management

Productive

Satisfied
Am I expecting too much of myself?
Am I doing everything I can, within my time constraints.
Do I need to delegate?
Am I taking on too much?
Are my deadlines unreasonable?
Are my prioritising skills good enough?
Just know you can only do so much in a day, so celebrate all you done.
Feel pleased with yourself at the end of the day, when you have worked hard.
Acknowledge your productiveness, rather than the opposite.
Focus on what you'd got done, rather than the opposite.
Prioritise and set different deadlines.
Work

"I keep being asked to do things I don't enjoy ( a hotel receptionist said this) but I don't know how to move forward "


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Bored

Demotivated

Lethargic
Content

Purposeful


Satisfied
How is what I am doing on a daily basis, serving me in my life?
Do I need to make changes?
Can I re arrange my job to be more satisfying?
Focus on what the job gives you, probably the cash to live a life outside of work.
Change your attitude of one of CAN Do, rather DON'T WANT TO DO.
Decide to look for another way to make a living!
Health

"I have a Dr's appointment with a new Dr and I'm feeling anxious about it."


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Anxious

Nervous

Fearful
Calm

Confident

Positive Anticipation
How can I help myself in this situation?
What are the benefits of having a second opinion of my condition?
Write a letter explaining your condition, to call upon if needed, Once you have written the letter, know that the info is now on paper and situation can be put to one side until the appointment.
Visualise the Dr's smiling face as you walk through the door.
Know that the Dr will be on your side, wanting to help you. You are accessing another professionals help and expertise.
In your mind, introduce yourself to the Dr, do this with a smile on your face, sat up (stood up) straight and tall.
Relationships

"Social Media says I have looked at my Ex Bosses profile! (And I haven't!!) Hated my Ex Boss for his behaviour"


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Angry

Bad Memories

Bullied
Acceptance

Letting Go (of someone)

Forgiveness
What would be the benefit of forgiving and letting go of the bad behaviour?
How will it affect my relationships with the men in my life at present.
How did his terrible behaviour in the past, affect my present attitudes to men?
Stop comparing the men in my present, to the men in the past.
Feel relieved that you've physically moved on and created something different.
See his terrible behaviour as a result of his own emotional baggage and be less judgemental, allowing the forgiveness to take it's place.
Learn from the past and create boundaries so it doesn’t happen again.
Work

"My results on a works league table are low."


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Despondent

Deflated

Under Valued by Others
Purposeful

Satisfied

Valued
Do I understand how the system works?
Who can I ask for support, or advice?
Am I being too hard on myself?
Learn how to work the system.
Be open minded as to how to make a positive difference for myself.
Family

"A 93 year old nan, who has come out of hospital and gone back home on her own, who doesn’t really have many friends or family left and leaves the door unlocked and won’t wear a hearing aid!"


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Agitated

Distracted

Worried

Comfortable

Secure

Supportive
Can I express my concern to Nan in a supportive way?
Does she need extra external agency care?
Are other family members aware of the issues?
Having done all I can, can I accept the situation is as it is?
Express your concerns in a supportive way.
Highlight to others, the dangers you are perceiving.
Allow yourself to let your Nan live the way she wants to live, it’s a privilege of being an independent human. Accept everyone is different and has different standards.
Work

"Do my clients think I do a good job?"


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Distraction

Not Good Enough


Unsure
Certainty


Focussed

Self belief
Am I doing everything to the best of my ability?

Do I get good feedback from my clients?
How can I build up my own Self-belief?
Create a Testimonial book (print off emails, even the 2 liners at the end of email messages). Decide to have trust in my own abilities. Accept our own human traits (slight imperfections…they show we are human!)
Write down empowering Beliefs about your self and read them every day. Go the extra mile for your clients.
Family

"Dad going off on his own in his motorhome on a 4 hour journey

Then he goes walking up mountains that he used to run up when he was 30, but now he’s 72 and not quite so stable. He turns his mobile on when he needs it (which is never), so he's out of contact!""


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Agitated

Distracted

Worried
Admiration

Comfortable

Supportive
Is Dad of sound mind and able to make his own decisions?
Is he fulfilling his Values and Purpose for living?
Can I let go of taking responsibility for him?
Is what he is doing making him happy?
Express your concern, if you really feel the need to, and then allow yourself to let go of 'mothering' him from a distance, he probably wouldn't thank you for it. Allow your Dad to take responsibility for his own well-being.
Trust him to know when he reaches his limits.
Admire him for his level of tenacity and energy!! and aspire to be the same .
Family

"My 72 year mother visits my Nan on the train which takes about 2 hours each way, and she usually has to wait on her own at the station."


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Agitated

Concerned

Distracted
Admiration

Calm

Comfortable
Is Mum of sound mind and able to make her own decisions?
Is she fulfilling her Values and Purpose for living?
Can I let go of taking responsibility for her?
Does her independence give her freedom and would you really want to take that away from her?
Express your concern, if you really feel the need to, and then allow yourself to let go of 'mothering' her from a distance, she probably wouldn't thank you for it.
Just know that to be able to be that independent, is a great thing and have it as something you would wish for yourself!
Health

"When will I ever lose weight and be ‘thin’!!"


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Anxiety


Self Loathing

Self Doubt
Certainty


Not Good Enough

Self Discipline
Do I have the self discipline and knowledge to reach my goals?
Am I doing everything possible to get there? If not, then how can I step up to the bar?
Are my expectations reasonable?
Find people, system that suits your mind set and your pocket, who can help you.
Decide with Certainty this is what you want to do. Know and trust you can achieve your goal, following your plan and sticking to it.
List the benefits of having the body you want. (Benefits to you and others) .
Be patient and work to the end result, IT'S WORTH IT!!!
Health

"I'm worried my previous ‘unfitness’ will affect my future health."


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Anxious

Doomed

Self Doubt
Healthy Living

Fitness

In Control
Have I taken control of my own Health, Fitness and eating regime?
What else can I do? Who can help me? Am I accessing all the resources available to me?
Do I celebrate my achievements so far?
Decide to feel happy in your own skin, knowing you are doing everything possible to stay Healthy, from now on.
Have reasonable expectations when making changes to your body.
Celebrate the level of Health and Fitness you have NOW and you will have in the future.
Phone

"I get stressed when my mobile battery dies and I cant charge it.  I panic and get anxious as someone might want to get in touch, they may have messaged me and I am not able to get back to them so they might get cross!"


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Anxious

Fear of ‘Not Being Liked’

Panic
Acceptance

Calm

Nonchalant
Am I projecting my own issues here? (getting cross when others don’t message back immediately).
Will a short delay really matter?
Am I will to change my attitude to the 'instant communication' I expect from myself and others?
Know we judge others by our own standards, if these standards are unrealistic, we are setting ourselves up to feel bad.
Accept not everything goes to plan and accept that not everything is in our control.
Neighbours

"My neighbours granddaughter deliberately parks her car so its hard to get out of the drive!!! She knows it upsets me and I'm so wind up I could cry!"

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Agitated

Distracted

Wound Up
Calm


Centred

Non-judgmental
How can I handle this and get the best result?
Am I in the right frame of mind to tackle it at the moment?
Who is it best to approach over this matter?
Don't jump to conclusions around someone else's motive, they may not even be aware of the distress they are causing.
Let go of thinking they have done something on purpose.
Approach the owner of the house in a polite, friendly way, with concern that the offending car may get knocked and damaged.
Come from the point of view you are thinking of them!
Work

"Why is everyone else doing well in business but not me?"


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Desponent

Disappointed

Not Good Enough
Busy

Earning

Successful
Am I accessing all the resources I have available?
Do I have all the knowledge I need?
What could I do better?
Am I being too hard on myself?
Have I niched enough to be razor sharp or am I using the scatter gun approach?
What are the benefits of business using my services?
Is my time management up to scratch?
Don’t compare yourselves to others, it saps your energy and direction.
Create short term goals and get
EXCITED by them.
Have faith and self belief in your abilities, create a mind map or list where you have been successful before (look in all areas of your life), recording these will add energy to your confidence.
Work

"Oh NO, I’m late for my appointment in Chester!"


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Annoyance

Rushed

Unprofessional
Calm

Composed

In Control
Can I do anything to reduce the damage in Chester?
Do my time management skills need addressing?
Accept it takes set amount of time to arrive and warn ahead.
Re adjust the appointment time in your mind, so you can let go of the negative effect of being late.
Give yourself more prep time before leaving for appointments.
Family

"My Adult children, living at home and not making enough effort to find a job and bring some money in."


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Frustrated

Ignored

Used
Calm

Respected

Supportive
Am I approaching the matter in an 'adult' way?
Am I respecting the 'young adults' Values?
Am I trying to impose my ideals onto them? Am I willing to pass over the responsibility to them, and let go of telling them what they 'should' be doing?
Consider what is important to the 'young adult' and respect there judgement.
Create financial boundaries that will encourage and motivate them to want to work. (i.e. Don't keep funding their habits).
Communicate in a way that helps, rather than hinders.
Family

"My children take me for granted and we end up shouting at each other a lot."


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Angry


Frustrated

Resentful
Calm

Love and Connection

Respected
How can I change my communication and behaviour, to get different results?
Do we need to have boundaries and ground rules in place?
Are my expectations of them to high?
Am I rising to their bait?
Do I need to let go of the consequences of their inefficiencies?
Focus on their good points and praise even the smallest of good behaviours. / Adopt a pleasant attitude, it usually brings a better response. / Let them learn by their own mistakes (e.g. if they oversleep and are late, they suffer the consequences, rather than you getting worked up as they wont get up on time. etc. ) / Appreciate them for who they are, not who you want them to be. /
Work

" My diary is full of appointments no time for me"


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Overwhelmed

Rushed

Unbalanced
Balanced

Gratitude


Fulfilment
Do I need to re think how I structure my appointments?
Can I inject an hour in the daytime in the week for an exercise class.
What would a balanced week look like?
Am I working smart enough?
Leave appropriate gaps between appointments.
Perhaps give yourself a 30 minute appointment for lunch.
Start thinking of yourself as an employee (time keeping wise) and think about what you would be prepared to work, set allotted working hours per day and stick to them.
Get a blank week page and sketch out your ideal personal time slots, and make an effort to transfer this into reality.
See your personal time as important as your business appointments.
Financial

"What do you mean, you can’t give me an overdraft, I’ve been with this bank for 30 years."


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Annoyance

Financially Frustrated

Under Valued by Others

Unsupported
Financially Fluid

Secure

Supported
Am I taking this rebuff personally?
If the bank won't support me, what other resources can I tap into to?
Know that the bank can't shift outside their own parameters and don’t take it personally.
Accept their rules and move on, look for other resources, rise to the challenge with enthusiasm.
Change your thinking on the issue, see it as a game (a Treasure Hunt even?!)
Work

"Why are they not returning my calls?"


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Annoyance

Frustrated

Ignored
Earning


Progress

Valued
How do I get my message across in another way, so they return the calls?
Is their another route available?
Is my communication not being received in the manner I want it to be received?
Do these people need me?
What can I promote that makes me unique, different from the others?
Have I followed up the call? (maybe with email)?
Am I being persistent enough?
Is it better to just accept that some non-return calls, is just as it is, and let the frustration go?
Work out what you do differently on the calls that do get returned.
See if you can adopt different styles of communication and see which one works. Change the script, mention different benefits of getting back to you.
Work out what makes you different. Accept that not everyone will return your call.
Don't take it as a personal rebuff.
Work

"I don’t understand it, I’m perfect for this company, and my price is great, why aren’t they using me?"


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Confusion

Frustrated

Stuck
Patience

Useful

Valued
Am I prepared to accept that getting clients is a HUGE learning curve?
How can I pitch differently, to get different results?
Is my frustration turning me off? If so, do I recognise that?
Am I prepared go back and ask for feedback?
See each day as a new start, new opportunities, with renewed enthusiasm, new ideas, this will be communicated to potential clients.
Ask for feedback on declined proposals and make adjustments accordingly.
Shopping

"I get quite annoyed sometimes at the blatantly stupid statements and advertising aimed at manipulating us!"


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Annoyance

Distracted

Resentful
Acceptance

Nonchalant

Non-judgmental
Do I need to get rid of the resentment? Or does it protect me from being taken advantage of?
Can I see them as 'just doing their job'? Would it be better for me to laugh at them instead?
Know it is healthier to let resentment go. Just know that some people will say anything to get a sale.
Take a 'live and let live' attitude if it doesn't actually affect you.
Health

"Worry about Health of myself, kids and family"


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Anxious

Distracted

Out of Control
Acceptance

Calm

Happy
Am I worrying about situations that haven't occurred yet? Am I prepared to accept our state of health and deal with each health challenge as they come up?Decide to let go of the worry and Focus on the love you can share with the family today rather than 'what might happen' tomorrow.
Celebrate the level health you and yours have.
Enjoy having your family around you.
Role model and live an active healthy life.
Mind-Set

"My alarm goes off in the morning and I dread getting out of bed!!"


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Anxious

Demotivated

Resentful
Enthusiastic

Happy

Positive Attitude
How can I make today special?
What am I grateful for in my life today? How does what I have to do today benefit my life?
And what does it allow me to do?
Do I need to assess where I am in life and perhaps make changes?
If you feel the dread of the day looming, decide to change the way you think about your job/chores.
See the benefit to you and others of what you do.
Focus on what you are grateful for today.
If you need to make serious changes, start thinking about exit strategies! Change your attitude and it changes your day!!
Work

"I worry about not being able to work."


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Anxious

Insecure

Pessimistic
Certainty

Optimistic

Proactive
Am I letting this worry overtake my mind?
Can I give myself permission to let this worry go?
What else can I do to bring me more financial security?
Who can I get advise from in this respect?
Know that you are flexible enough to adapt to any given situation, the resources are always there to find a way to get by.
Each morning focus on what you CAN do, rather on what you maybe can't do.
Appreciate what you've built up so far.
Mind-set

"Get depressed when work is slow especially around Wintertime."


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Anxious

Insecure
Pessimistic
Growth

In The Flow

Productive
If I did certain things differently, would I get different results? Am I better focussing on what I can put in place and offer for the Winter?
Am I utilising all the resources available to me?
Create a plan, perhaps 2, one for Summer and one for Winter.
See them as 2 different time zones and separate them out in your mind, with different ideas for each.
Be as proactive as possible.
Every day wake up and see each day as a new start, new ideas, harness the enthusiasm and excitement you had when first starting off.
Work

"I feel less of a person when I haven't any work to do"


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Demoralised

Depressed

Lack of Self Respect
Active

Productive

Valued
What behind the scenes work can I be doing, when no paying work is in?
How can I FEEL productive when I'm not actually being paid.
Decide to see ALL work on business, (even non paying stuff), as YOU are working IN the business.
Creatively come up with ideas on how to generate more leads. Value the paid and unpaid work you do.
Home

"Having Visitors today and woke up this morning feeling anxious that the house isn't perfect and immaculate. Thinking “should I just clean today”."


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Guilty

Overwhelmed

Perfectionist
Comfortable

Excited

Relaxed
Is the level of cleanliness of the house acceptable? Or Am I being 'over the top'?
Can I prioritise what actually needs doing and do the most important?
Focus on the welcoming feeling of having Visitors.
Look at the house with 'outside' eyes, to see what actually needs doing .
Decide to let go of the fact the house has to be perfect.
Just know your Visitors are coming to see you, not the house.
Relationships

"I haven't received a Valentines Card from my Husband/Wife/Partner/Loved One and I feel our relationship is dwindling."


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Disappointed

Distant

Worried
Cherished

Connected

Valued
Is this a sign that we need to address something that is missing from our Relationship?
Am I looking too deeply at what is basically a commercially pushed tradition?
Remember appreciating feeling loved and secure in your relationship is more important than receiving a card.
If the validation of receiving a card is important to you, find a way of communicating this to your partner. Step up the romance, perhaps creating date nights, candlelit dinners. Create time and space to spend together.
Mind-set

"'The weather is miserable'."


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Sad

Down
Trapped
Normal

Happy

Nonchalant
What can I do today, to make today fantastic?
Despite the weather! Am I prepared to let the weather make me feel bad?
Know the miserable weather is a balance to the great weather and we have to have both, allow yourself to accept this situation.
Carry on regardless, dress accordingly, keep warm and dry under your clothes, get out there and ENJOY!
Financial

"I'm feeling distant from my Partner, as the financial situation is really bad and I don’t know what to do."


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Anxious

Distant

Stagnant

Comfortable

Heard

Togetherness
How can I communicate my uneasiness without causing bad feeling? Do I appreciate that he, she could be feeling just as bad as me?Have a conversation using 'I messages'.
Share the feelings financial discomfort is causing you.
Ask him, her how they are dealing with it.
Know that your relationship is bigger than the struggle at the moment and working together will bring you both through.
Neighbours

"My neighbours cows are poking their heads through my fence and it's stressing me out!"


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Annoyance

Emasculated

Inferior
Empowered

Standing Up For Self

Assertive
How can I address this and keep a good relationship with the neighbours? Stay Calm.
Articulate the problem without judgement.
Cordially communicate the issue to the neighbour.
Be open-minded on your expectations.
Don't take the issue personally
Mind-set

"The double standards of Austerity and the blatant spending of money frivolously, as portrayed on the TV and Media"


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Annoyance

Distrustful

Cynical
Peace

Unaffected

Discerning
Is what I'm hearing true?
What evidence of what's happened in the past, is available to make a decision about this?
Am I prepared to allow this to wind me up?
Make an informed decision whether to believe info.
Decide to take on board info without allowing it to 'wind me up'.
Family

"My husband disciplines the children in a way I don’t agree with."


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Frustrated
Resentful

Out of Control
Parental Partnership

Harmony

Love
How can work together and communicate with each other, to create an equal parental energy?
Am I prepared to listen and understand where my partner is coming from?
Do we need to make our relationship a better one?
Talk to your partner before situations arise and agree on course of action.
Be prepared to compromise, as your partner has different Values and opinions to you.
Let go of the 'it's my way' attitude.
Family

"My father is in hospital and I cannot concentrate on my life!"


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Distracted

Fearful

Worried
Acceptance

Proactive

Comfortable
Is my father getting the best care and right treatment?
Am I prepared to focus on other life areas, whilst being supportive at the same time?
Where else do I need to place my attention?
Know and accept your fathers health, when in the best hands, will be what it will be.
How can I be supportive to my father, showing the love I feel.
List the benefits of 'Parking' the distraction whilst giving other areas of life your attention.
Home

" My shirts are not ironed because I left them on the washing line and it rained which made me late for work."


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Rushed

Unorganised

Unpunctual
In Control

Organised

Punctual
Is this a one off occurrence or do I need to address this problem?
Have I got enough shirts?
Or is it just I don't wash, iron regularly enough?
Think about tomorrows outfit as part of your 'getting ready for bed' routine, perhaps even hang on outside of wardrobe.
Wash and iron more regularly if appropriate.
Creating habits that make the morning routine run smoothly makes life so much easier.
Attitude

"I keep snapping at people because I'm in a bad mood myself!"


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Grumpy

Guilty
Impatient
Amicable

Calm

Upbeat
Are there any outside forces affecting my mood? (tired/hungry/worried/stressed).
If so, what do I need to stave off the bad mood?
Can I repair the 'snapping', by either apologising or communicating again with a better attitude?
Be aware of your responses, when you recognise you are snapping.
Decide to focus on a better attitude whilst feeling in a bad mood.
Replace the 'snap' with a smile and breathe, take a moment and change the response.
Family

"How do I cope with negative feelings about Mother's Day ?!!!!! By 1.15 they had all gone. Yes I had a card and plant but I wanted ....love and affection and quality time. "


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Negative

Left Out

Unloved
Affection

Love

Quality Time
How can I make sure I get MY needs met?
Am I expressing myself and my needs to the girls?
How can we all link time/activities together?
Do they know how I feel?
If they are unable to fulfil my needs, how else can I get them met?
Once you’ve worked out exactly what your needs are, put plans into place to get them met.
Plan ahead, make arrangements that suit all concerned.
Perhaps come up with trips / activities / events that include all concerned.
Practise verbally expressing what YOU want to happen, rather than accepting what others want to happen.
If they can’t fulfil your needs on the day, make sure you have plans that will be a balanced substitute.
See the way I have felt in the past as a learning curve and appreciate the people playing a role in my life, that allows me to grow stronger emotionally.
Remember, we ‘set out our own stall’, so make sure it’s what we want.
Work

"I don't like cold calling, so I'm am not making any sales calls!!"


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Stuck
Uncomfortable

Unproductive
Confident

Growth

Proactive
Have I developed a 'pitch?
Am I confidently aware of the benefits of my service?
Am I prepared to step outside my comfort zone, until I have perfected the technique?
Create a script initially, and have it as a prompt.
Know your USP, unique selling point.
Create a list of prospects to work through and reward yourself after 5 calls, have a break and then 5 more.
Know the worst that can happen is that the prospect isn't interested.
Relationship

"My husband / partner doesn't take my job seriously and keeps taking the mickey out of it. It's driving me mad!"


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Angry

Demoralised

Resentful
Motivated

Supported

Valued
Have I asked for his support?
Does he know and understand what I do?
Am I prepared to accept his opinions and find the strength and support from within, should he choose not to give it?
Express your resentments (using 'I messages'). Communicate and ask for the level of support that you would like. Perhaps explain more about your job and the reasons you enjoy it.
Family

"There is no laughter in the house anymore and everything seems strained."


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Miserable

Sad

Stagnant
Fulfilment

Happy

Harmony
How can I or we lift the mood?
What can I do to change the atmosphere?
Do we do anything that is fun?
Are there underlying issues that need addressing?
Start with your own attitude, lighten your mood, smile more, praise now, hug more, be interested in the family members.
See each day as a new start.
Watch comedy on the telly together.
Have fun family days out.
Relationship

"We never go out together, just the two of us, there is always someone else with us."


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Distant

Separate (within a relationship)

Unconnected (from Partner)
Togetherness

Connected

Love
How can we create 'us' time?
What interests do we have in common?
Who can help and support us (babysitting?) in creating time alone?
Talk to your partner about having 'us' time.
Look for opportunities to be together.
Find a mutual hobbies to start together, e.g. painting, dancing, learning a foreign language, walking.
Recall the love you felt for each other at the beginning of your relationship.
Make time!
Family / Home

"I seem to do everything for everybody else and nothing for myself."


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Taken for Granted

Resentful

Used
Valued

Respected

Supported
Do I enjoy being needed and am I prepared to let go of being needed?
When can I say No?
Have I asked others to take some of the responsibilities off my shoulders?
Look at your life and decide to 'let go' of 2 chores (or unwanted responsibilities) per week, write them down in a big list and work your way down it.
Communicate (in 'I messages' your dissatisfaction to your nearest and dearest asking for support.
Create and value some 'me' time in your week.
Family / Husband

"When my husband is disciplining the children, I get drawn in and end up falling out with everyone!"


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Blamed

Confrontation


Upset
Calm

In Control

Supportive
Do I interfere when I should be standing back?
Is my interference giving the children mixed messages?
Am I prepared to let go of the interfering and stand back?
Pick an appropriate time (away from the children's ears), to discuss mutually acceptable discipline.
If you can't agree, decide to step back and not get involved.
See the situation from your partners point of view, knowing they have different Values and past experiences.
Relationship

"We sit watching TV in stony silence! I feel SO alone!"


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Isolated

Lonely

Scared
Love

Partnership

Warmth
How can we reverse this isolating habit.
What can we change, to get a different result?
Am I prepared to make an effort to create a different atmosphere?
Express your concerns, using 'I messages' or 'Shelley's Script'.
Move the furniture around and sit together on the settee.
Listen to music occasionally instead.
Play board games.
Mute the adverts and talk instead.
Children

"I get drawn into my children's squabbles and end up being the baddie!!"


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Blamed

Confrontation

Upset
Harmony

Happy

Fulfilment
Am I being dragged down to their level?
Do I need to back off and let them sort it out?
How can I deflect my involvement?
Know that they are capable of sorting it out themselves.
Let go of the responsibility of creating an answer for them.
Don't take sides even when you want to.
Health

"I've not been able to move for a month, because of sciatica in my back!"


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Frustrated

Physical Pain

Stuck
Capable

Fitness

Healthy Living
Have I got the right medical assistance?
Have I changed my expectations of what I am capable of achieving?
Am I open to alternative solutions?
Allow yourself to 'go with flow' of what you are physically capable of.
Don’t expect to much of yourself.
Alter your plans accordingly.
Be patient and know the condition will pass.
Think of alternative work projects and pastimes in accordance with your capabilities.
Financial

"What is stressing me is that i have no control over my finances and cant plan holidays."


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Disappointed

Financial Insecurity

Uncertainty
Enthusiastic

Excited

Optimistic
Where do I want to go?
What would I plan if I could pay for it now?
When would I go?
Can I look forward to my holidays if I plan them in my mind and know that I will bring in the money to book nearer the time?
It's the thought of the holidays that gives pleasure, so decide where and when you'd like to go.
Set the intention to be able to book nearer the time (Booking doesn't need to be done straightaway).
Get excited about going.
Imagine what you'll be doing, visualise the ideal for you.
Let go of thoughts of lack.
Have certainty in your ability to fund it.
Remember all the other travelling you have manifested into your life!
Health

"Eating fast foods because I'm running late which makes me feel low."


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Rushed

Sluggish

Unhealthy
Energised

Healthy Living

Organised
Can I prepare healthy snacks for the car?
Am I putting everyone else before me?
When food shopping think about purchasing 'on the go' healthy food snacks.
Regularly top up a cool box in the car with Healthy snacks and drinks. (Nuts, celery, carrots, smoothies, fruit, energy bars, )
Value your own health, as without it nothing is possible!
Environment

"It's Monday morning, I've just come into work and the Workshop is an absolute mess!!! I don't even know where to start."


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Demotivated

Overwhelmed

Stress
Enthusiastic

Organised

Progressive
Is it my responsibility to have this space tidy?
Can I delegate or get assistance for the clear up that is needed?
Where can I start!!
How will it improve my life to start taking action here?
Embrace the challenge of getting your space in order, with enthusiasm! Focus on the benefits of a tidy, organised Work/Home space. Know that (often) a tidy space equals a tidy mind, so see it as a therapeutic exercise. Enlist any help you can get, be open to help from others, it makes life so much easier! Tackle the job in small chunks.
Make a plan, with an order to it.....AND FOLLOW IT!!
Health

"I forgot to eat today as I was busy and felt tired at work - so I ate cake which made me feel sad."


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Anxiety

Tired

Ineffective
Energised

Healthy Living

Structured
How can I make it easy for myself to access healthy food on the go?
Am I prepared to put the extra effort in, to be organised, prioritising my health?
Have a healthy snack box in the car, accessible with ease.
Work out the foods that don't suit you and decide to avoid them, go to the healthy snack box instead, when you have an alternative available, you are giving yourself a choice.
Health

"I can’t be bothered going to the gym today it’s raining/cold/I’m tired etc. "


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Disinterested

Lazy

Lethargic
Energised

Inspired

Motivated
How will I feel once I've been?
What is the benefit of going?
Can I make myself accountable to someone?
Do I have a plan to follow?
Am I going to let outside forces knock me off track?
Have a structured programme in place and change it regularly with short term achievable goals to reach.
Write your gym visits in your diary for the week ahead and value the importance of them in respect of your Health.
Decide to go whatever you feel like and stick to it.
Home

"People who use a new cup each time they make tea and then put the dirty one in the sink and leave it."


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Annoyance

Inconvenience

Irritation
Clean
Tidiness

Respected
How can we create 'rules' around cleanliness?
Am I prepared to put up with this?
Do I need to be more assertive?
Put a sign up requesting co-operation.
Create ground rules.
Let go of expectations of others.
Accept the situation is as it is.
Health

"I've not been to the gym and then I feel bad because I didn’t go!"


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Disappointed

Guilty

Letting myself down
Motivated

On Track

Reformed
How can I turn this habit around?
Have I got a goal in place?
Am I accountable to anyone?
Do I value myself enough to stick to my plans?
Decide today to let the Guilt go, and look at the trips to the gym with 'new eyes', seeing the benefits of going and working with your plan, rather than against it.
Check your expectations of yourself, are not too high (This can lead to turning you off!)
Health

" I'm feeling guilty because I've had cake/chocolate and then feel I've cheated on my diet."


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Guilty

Letting myself down

Overweight
Motivated

On Track

Self Admiration
If I can't give it up altogether, what amount of cake, chocolate is acceptable?
Am I sabotaging my eating plan because of being too strict on myself?
Who can I 'buddy' up with to support me with my eating challenges?
Decide in your mind the amounts of Cake, chocolate is good for you, and decide to stick to it, no matter what.
See the guilt as a sign post and decide to let the guilt go after thanking it for highlighting you want to change your eating habits.
Find a support system that suits you.
Home

"I feel annoyed/upset when the house is always untidy – not enough hours in the day. (Living on my own)"


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Annoyance

Frustrated

Untidy
Houseproud

In Control

Organised
What everyday actions do I need to change to create the home I want?
Is a tidy house important enough for me to alter my behaviours?
Am I prepared to make the effort to create those new habits?
Decide how you would like your home to be.
Follow through each daily chore till completion, think about each room and what you do in there. E.g. kitchen……cook a meal, wash up, put pots away. Washing……..fold and put away or store for ironing.
Create new daily routines, they won't take that much longer, it just seems like it does because it's new.
Stick to them.
Decide that you home is important to you, as important as whatever else you are doing in your life.
The new habits become normal and you have a tidy house.
Work / Financial

"Feeling frustrated when people don’t pay me on time, especially as I rely on the money."


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Distraction

Financial Insecurity

Taken Advantage Of

Under Valued by Others
Efficient

Financially In Control

Up To Date
Have I set 'payment terms' in place?
Am I too soft in not imposing those terms?
Have I communicated my displeasure?
Am I willing to change my attitude to this issue?
Let go of attachment to payment terms in respect of 'being nice'. It's just part of the fair exchange work arrangement.
See them paying you on time as important as you doing a good job.
For each new work 'task' verbally state payment terms, requesting prompt payment, then if it doesn't arrive, follow up.
Adopt an attitude of 'not being messed around'.
Work

" My level of work is quiet, still quiet, even quieter!"


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Concerned

Demotivated

Stagnant
Busy

Growth

Inspired
Is this a reflection of the market?
Is my approach working or can I do something different?
How can I make my offering stand out from the others?
Do I need to change my presentation style?
Is there anyone I can share my concerns with confidentially?
Is there something that I could do, that I am not doing?
Decide to believe, with certainty, that the work is out there, YOU just have to tap into it.
Make a fresh list of every avenue you can go down to look for leads (write down the ones you have tried before as well).
Approach each one in a different way than you have done before. (email, phone, letter, newsletter, birthday card, ) maybe on a more personal approach.
Raise your activity level keeping your anticipation and energy level up.
Re visit existing and ex clients files, looking for opportunities to connect and offer again.
Work

"Don't want to call…..they might say No!"


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Fear of Rejection

Hesitant

Stuck
Confident

In The Flow

Proactive
Am I prepared to change my attitude towards calling?
Would I feel more productive making calls, whatever the outcome?
Before making a phone call, read a testimonial from a grateful client.
List (write)the benefits, savings, protection and feel good factor you are offering the client and have it in front of you when making a call. Focus on the benefits of the services you are offering, filling your mind with belief in the products.
Decide to leave 'no stone unturned' before going home, see every lead as potential business without hesitation.
Work

"I'm sat in a garage waiting for my car to be serviced. I've brought all kinds of things with me and a great long list of things to do. Lots of distractions, canned music and can I focus?! Yes the atmosphere isn't ideal but neither am I trying very hard. Maybe my list is a bit overwhelming too."


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Demotivated

Distraction

Time Wasting
Efficient

Focussed

Productive
Am I expecting too much of myself in these conditions?
How can I make the most of my waiting time?
What is realistic here?
Look at the list of things you brought to do and work out which item is realistic.
Don’t be too hard on yourself in these situations.
Reading or listening to an audio isn't to complicated; anything involving intricate brain work is probably not possible; brainstorming in a notepad is usually easy to manage.
Relationship / Bank Holiday

"We're entering Bank Holiday Season and I'm still single with no-one to share it with!!"


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Fear of Being Alone

Isolated

Lonely
Belonging

Excited

Partnership
Am I making the most of my Single status?
Do I connect with my friendship circles enough?
Am I focussing on a fantasy, rather than reality?
Can I plan ahead to ensure I'll feel fulfilled this year?
Appreciate the space and freedom being Single gives you.
Plan ahead for your free time.
Join groups, clubs etc., connected to your hobbies/interests. Commit to trying something completely new, perhaps twice a year.
Look at the timeline of your life, appreciate nothing stays the same and embrace with excitement the potential possibilities, opportunities and Partners that will come your way!
Work / Bank holiday

"Everyone else has got the Bank Holiday weekend off and I've got to work. It's not fair!"


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Discontented

Fed Up

Resentful
Acceptance

Motivated

Upbeat
How can I look at this situation in a positive way?
Am I making the most of my position within my workplace?
Can we make the Bank Holiday workdays special for us?
Have I got 'me' time to look forward to?
Decide to accept and appreciate your work for what it gives you.
Go out of your way to create outings to look forward to, on your days off.
Do something different yourself, within work, to make it a 'different' day….perhaps dress differently, or change your hairstyle.
Mind-Set / Bank Holiday

"What can I do today! Everyone else is busy with their families and they don't want me around. "


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Isolated

Left Out

Lonely
Busy

Included

Love and Connection
Have a reached out to others, if not who can I connect with today?
Am I relying on others to contact me?
How can I reverse this negative spiral of thinking?
How can I make today special for me?
Know that relying on others to make you happy can lead to disappointment.
Plan ahead filling your time with fulfilling activities.
Dress to impress YOURSELF.
Plan and make YOURSELF a special meal and even invite someone to join you. Appreciate lots of people are on their own, reach out and connect with others.
Children / Holidays

"I'm fed up! Just a few days stuck in the house with the kids and I'm tearing my hair out!!"


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Frustrated

Stifled

Trapped
Adventurous

Family Happiness

Freedom
How can we keep entertained as a family? Where can we go for a change of scenery?
Can we visit others in the same situation? Have I asked the children what they'd like to do?
Am I being open-minded enough to come up with new ideas?
Get creative and think up new adventures to go on, it doesn't have to be expensive.
Make a list of ideas in advance, of how to spend school holidays whilst at home. Appreciate the children want Quality Time, so turn all the electronics off and go out in the fresh air.
Get the board games out and immerse yourself in 121 time. Look at yourself from a distance, does your attitude need to change; perhaps smile more; focus on their good points.
Appreciate the precious time they are around, as they will grow up and go one day!
Family / Divorce

"The children have gone off with my ex husband and his new wife on a Bank Holiday day out and I don't know what to do with myself!!"


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Bitter

Bereft

Jealous
Acceptance

Freedom

Move on (from a negative situation)
How can I enjoy my day? Have I panned ahead accordingly?
Am I thinking of the childrens balanced well being here?
Where can I place my focus today?
Who can I interact with? Do I need to work on myself, so I can accept our current family situation?
Look at the situation from a completely different view point. Decide to enjoy the free time you have today. Indulge in your hobbies and passions, outside child rearing (re-visit old hobbies).
Use the time to start something completely new.
Plan days out with the children and yourself for another day.
Use the time to meet up with friends and family you've not had chance to see for a long time. Decide to let go of and move on from the bitter feelings around your ex...the only person you are torturing is yourself. Seek professional help if your feelings are affecting your ability to enjoy life.
Family / Relationships

"My grandchildren want to come round and visit me….my Son also wants to come, but I'd rather see them on there own."


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Hampered

Irritation

Jealous
Family Happiness

Love and Connection

Quality Time
Do I need to keep the visits separate to enjoy them?
Do I need to improve the relationship with my Son?
Can I create Quality Time with them all?
How do I create the visits I want?
Am I being unreasonable?
If you are unable to cope/deal with all the family together, then decide to compartmentalise them and accept that you can see them separately.
Consider working on the issue with the person involved.
Address and communicate why it is uncomfortable.
Work at accepting your family members for who they are.
Develop a positive attitude and focus on their good points.
Watch your body language and smile more, a friendly approach goes a long way.
Car

" I've just put diesel in my car instead of petrol!!!!!"


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Panic

Stupid

Worried
Clear headed

Efficient

In Control
What do I need to do to make the car safe?
Who can I get to help me?
How do I stay calm in this situation?
Accept it as "fait accompli" and commit to dealing with the situation (rather than fretting about your error).
Focus on staying calm and clear headed.
The diesel needs to be removed, so contact a specialist 'diesel remover', the fuel station usually have the relevant numbers (make sure they only call one person out).
Relationships / Marriage

" My husband expects me to accept the fact he has a mistress, because he loves us both so much!!!!"


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Confused

Fear of Being Alone

Used
Harmony

Loved

Peace
Is this acceptable to me?
How far am I willing to push my own needs?
What needs to happen for me to be happy?
How has this situation evolved and am I partly responsible for it?
What character traits do I need to develop to survive this?
Circumstances are different in every case but here are a few pointers:
Decide whether this situation is acceptable to you, bearing in mind it can be detrimental to your well being and health if you stay in an intolerable situation. Voice your despair and if possible, work together to find solutions.
Know with conviction, what you are willing to accept/not accept. Understand that infidelity can be healed with effort from both sides.
This scenario is often a result of what has been going on in the marriage, so all symptoms need to be addressed.
Seek professional help if necessary.
Avoid falling into 'Victim mode', as taking joint responsibility for the situation keeps a degree of bitterness and negativity at bay. Choose who you confide in carefully, anyone too close will have a biased point of view. Remember to stay strong, eat well and look after your own well being whilst going through such a traumatic period.
Your strength is very important.
Relationships

" My partner is continually texting someone else and I don't trust him any more."


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Angry

Devastated

Frightened
Cherished

Love

Trust
How and when is the best time to tackle this subject with my Partner? Have we been close recently?
Could there be an underlying problem in our relationship?
If so, have I not been paying enough attention?
Before you confront your Partner, calm down and wait till the shock and anger has gone down.
If you get upset they might try to appease you rather than be honest or they might shut down or walk away. Ask open ended questions rather than accusing them.
(e.g. Why have you text them so many times last week? / What effect is this having on our relationship?)
Don't lay down the law in banning or shaming them.
The idea is to get them to see they've overstepped the boundaries.
Listen instead of arguing; nod and encourage them to say more.
Talk about the underlying problem, it could be a cry for help. Find out why your life together isn't working. Work towards improving your communication and turning your relationship around.
Home

" My father has sold my childhood home and I feel desperately sad."


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Bereft

Heavy-hearted

Sad
At Ease

Letting go (of something)

Secure
How can I let go of the attachment I feel to the house?
Are these feelings masking other underlying grief?
How can I make myself feel better?
Understand that attachment to things from the past can bring up emotions we didn't know we had.
A house may be 'bricks and mortar' but they represent big chunks of our lives and the people whom may have passed through and on.
Allow your thoughts to come to the surface, acknowledge them and decide to let go of the attachment with gratitude for the memories you have from them.
Relationships

" My partner doesn't let me know when he isn't going to meet me (pre-arranged times). It's driving me crazy!"


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Angry

Resentful

Used
Harmony

Love and Connection

Secure
How can I communicate the way I feel in a non-confrontational way? Does this pattern play out anywhere else in mine or their lives?
Do I need to set new ground rules and be more assertive?
Am I prepared to be messed around?
Wait until you feel Calm to bring up this subject with your Partner, you don't want to send them of on a tangent with an emotional outburst.
Let them know how being let down makes you feel.
Create new boundaries and ground rules that you find acceptable (prior warning…communication etc.). Express your concerns around the lack of respect shown when being stood up.
Prepare a script and run through it beforehand if necessary. (See Shelley's Script for assistance). Stand up for yourself and have strength in your own Self Worth.......you deserve to be treated well!
Financial

" I've got to find a huge amount of money for the rent in 4 weeks time and it's frightening!"

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Frightened

Overwhelmed

Worried
Financially Fluid

In Control

Progressive
How can I ensure the money is there for the rent?
Am I allowing my negative thoughts to distract me?
Am I utilising all the support and resources available to me?
How can I plan for future months in a more effective way?
Focussing on the dread and lack of money is going to detract you from attaining the end goal.
Work towards pulling all your resources together, working relentlessly to reach the target.
Adopt the work ethic needed.
Look to other avenues of revenue within your industry.
Have faith in yourself and your business.
Family / Children

"My child has been diagnosed with Asperger's and its tearing me apart."

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Angry

Guilty

Normal

Proud

Supportive
How can I face this situation?
Is this all my fault?
Who and where can I turn for help?
What impact is this going to have on the family?
What with other people think?
Acceptance of the situation is the key to the greater good of all concerned.
With acceptance adopt a determined attitude around moving forward in the best way possible. Research and find resources to help both your child and yourself. Educate yourself and embrace the situation with love and grace.
Be proud of your child and focus on his/her talents and skills.
Every child is unique and special deserving the love that gives them the bedrock of a happy childhood, whatever their circumstances.
Work / Communication

"I don't know how to build up a rapport at business networking events, therefore I don't go and I need to."


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Inadequate

Not Good Enough

Panic
Capable

Connected

Productive
Am I prepared to step outside my comfort zone?
Do I need to change my attitude?
Which group is best suited to my profession/trade?
Are there any organisations I can go along as a guest to? What do I need to do to build up my confidence?
Taking the first step is the key to Moving Forward.
Find out WHERE it would be good to network, ask around.
Find someone who can take you along as there guest if possible.
Set an objective to each visit… What do you want to achieve?
Adopt a friendly attitude; smile, nod, ask others about their businesses.
Have an Open mind with an aim to make new contacts that you can follow up, arrange 121's over a coffee.
Get to know them and their business and the theory is they will get to know you and your business, passing business to each other in the process.
Be prepared to mingle, rather than stand on your own.
Practise talking about your business and have a prepared short introduction.
To build up your confidence: make a list of your expertise and the benefits of your service.
Business Networking is an acquired skill, the more you practise, the better you get at it, so don't be put off by others.
Work

" My clients ring me up 'out of hours' and expect me to fit them in, even when it's not convenient for me!"

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Disrespected

People Pleasing

Taken Advantage Of
Assertive

Empowered

Valued
How do I get the message across?
What do I need to put in place to create the new boundaries and ground rules?
Does this pattern play out elsewhere in my life?
With the awareness that people are taking advantage of your good nature, comes the realisation that something has to be done about it.
Setting new boundaries and ground rules is essential if you want to make changes.
Define in your mind WHEN you want to work (even strike through in your diary when you don't want to work). Start to Value yourself and your time to the degree it overrides the persistence of the clients requests.
Make it known you are not available 'out of hours'.
Put a 'Open hours' on the wall.
When they ring and you answer the phone, tell them to ring back tomorrow (not convenient to talk / diary not available).
Prepare the script on what to say and practise it so you are not caught out. Stick with the new mind-set, it'll take a while for the message to get across, but persistence will change the clients bad habits
Work

"I keep running over time with my appointments (with clients) and it feels like I'm working for nothing."


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Annoyance

Desponent

Disgruntled
Efficient

On The Ball

Time Management
How can I change this habit?
What do I need to put in place?
How can I run my sessions so they finish on time?
Set an alarm to keep you in touch with the time (warn the clients at the beginning of the session as to what you are trying to achieve). Start to Value you own time with a higher regard.
Write a list how productive you could be, sticking to time. Persistently practising this regime will make it easier to deliver.
Family / Financial

"My daughter has 'Power of Attorney' with my money and I feel like I've lost control."


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Agitated

Financially Frustrated

Out of Control
At Ease

Empowered

Financially In Control
Can I get Control Back? Am I prepared to accept this situation?
Do I need to improve my relationship with my Daughter?
Voice your concerns to your Daughter describing how you feel.
Address the issues that let to the POA, as you may feel your circumstances have changed.
If appropriate, work out a strategy with her whereby you have more control than you do at the moment.
If stuck with the POA, decide to accept this new era of your life and work WITH her to make the best of the situation.
Use 'Shelley's Script' to assist you in how to voice this to your Daughter.
Home / Mind-Set

"I'm living in a place I don't want to be (an old folks home) and I'm definitely not ready for it!!"

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Insecure

Out of Control

Vulnerable
At Ease

Comfortable

Satisfied
Is this something I can change and if not, how can I change my Mind-Set around my new situation?
How does where I am living benefit me?
Where do I need to place my focus?
Assess whether you can change the situation and if not, decide to be happy IN the situation, even if you are not happy WITH the situation.
Focus on the good points of where you are living (they will be there, you just have to look for them).
Think of the 'home' as a hotel, with the carers being the hotel staff. Drop the 'Home' word from the name, refer to it as 'The ......Hotel'. Embrace this new era of your life and set out to make new friends within your new environment. Adopt a friendly attitude to those around you and be cheerful. Remember the response you get from others is a reflection of what is going on for you.
Mind-Set / I T

"My tablet (device) software has jammed and I feel so frustrated I could cry!"

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Desperate

Frustrated

Stuck
Composed

In The Flow

Productive
What is the alternative way of working?
Who can I turn to for support?
What did we do below the current day technology?
What are MY strategies for staying calm?
Take a step back from the situation, breathe deeply.
If it doesn't work and you cannot fix it, put it to one side until you have a clear head.
Work out who to ask for guidance, look on the forums on Google (from your PC, of course lol). Accept your own limitations and don't beat yourself up because you can't work out the solution.
Relationships

"I've just had a 'first date' and now he/she hasn't replied to my text. I thought we had got on really well!"

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Abandoned

Distraction

Rejected
Connected

Hopeful

Valued
Am I pinning too much hope on this situation?
Am I expecting an immediate response to a text they might not yet have seen?
How can I put this situation to the back of my mind whilst I get on with my own life?
Is this a recurring pattern of behaviour that I need to address?
Having sent the text, now step back and wait for them to respond.
Know that if the relationship is going to move forward, it will do at it's own rate.
Refrain from pinning your hopes of happiness on another person, it can come across as 'needy' if you repeatedly text for a response.
Focus your attention on other important areas of your life.
Being fulfilled and happy within yourself whilst patiently waiting for the right partner for you to come along, is the way forward.
Embrace the potential excitement of a new and satisfying relationship, knowing that it is on it's way; and if it's not this person, it will be someone else.
Relationships

"My husband/partner keeps watching porn on the internet, instead of being with me."

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Grudge

Rejected

Unloved
Cherished

Desired

Togetherness
How can I communicate with him about this subject?

What can I do to make myself more desirable?
Is this just a phase? Can we work through this issue together?
Express your feelings to your husband, use 'Shelley's Script' if you don’t know where to form the conversation. Acceptance of this habit could be the answer, IF it is not detrimental to your relationship.
If it is an addiction, there may be deep underlining reasons for it, which might need professional help (like any addiction).
Decide what it is YOU want and what it takes for YOU to feel loved, talk this through with your spouse.
Refrain from talking and rowing in a negative way.... work towards improving the relationship together.
Family

"My daughter has gone to live in Jersey, I feel so depressed I've not got out of bed for 3 weeks!!"

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Abandoned

Alone

Empty Nest Syndrome
Love and Connection

Happy

Self-fulfilment
What do I need to do to make myself feel better?
How can I create a Purpose in my life now my daughter has gone?
If I look around me, who can take her place?
Decide to stop feeling sorry for yourself and focus on making your own life worthwhile. Make the effort to contact old friends and arrange outings so you can make new friends. Be prepared to 'force' yourself to do things you don't really want to do. Throw yourself into a project (decorating, amateur dramatics, a health regime) to create a distraction. Work out a method of keeping in touch with your daughter on a regular basis. Accept that life moves on, it just a natural progression.
Social Media

"Someone has tweeted a nasty tweet about me!!!"

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Aggrieved

Resentful

Victimised
In Control

Nonchalant

Respected

Standing Up For Self
How can I get the tweet deleted (If at all)?
Is the content sour grapes or jealousy? Am I prepared to 'let it go'?
Do I need to approach the offender and get a retraction or apology?
In todays 'social stage' society, we are open to the nastier elements of life….look for the opposite side (the positive comments) as a balanced Universe they will be there.
Decide to either confront the offender or let it go (without holding resentment), seeing it as an act of jealousy or malicious gossip. Investigate as to whether the tweet can be removed (research Twitter).
Health

"I'm on a diet and when I go out to restaurants I can never find anything to eat!"

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Constrained

Overweight

Resentful
Comfortable


Content

Freedom
Do I have all the knowledge I need to achieve my ideal weight?
How can I increase my will-power and self-discipline?
Am I prepared to be happy as I am?
Embrace the challenge of achieving your ideal weight, with enthusiasm! Change your mind-set to a positive healthy eating plan and stick to it.
Plan ahead by educating yourself on food intake and match it up with local eateries. Get your friends and family on board, ask for their support and encouragement.
Relationship

"I'm afraid of making suggestions to my wife, in case she says 'No'. I always feel rejected when she does that."

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Fear of Rejection

Resentful

Self Doubt
Harmony

Love and Connection

Partnership
Am I prepared to live with our Relationship in this state?
What do I need to do to make it different?
Do I need professional help (for me or for us) to address this matter?
Just know that if you are 'pussyfooting' around your partner, it's not a balanced Relationship. Decide if you are prepared to put in the emotional work to rectify this situation.
Prepare conversation to address the matter (use Shelley's Script as a guide).
Choose and arrange the time to have the conversation, perhaps in a neutral place where there are no interruptions.
Ask for your partners support in making the Relationship better and more fulfilling for the both of you. Avoid 'blaming' your partner for the situation, after all, you are 50% responsible for the situation.
Read books to educate yourself on communication and relationship skills. Consider getting professional help from a Relationship expert (Coach).
Work

"I've just returned from holiday, had a great time and it's hard to get back into the swing of work. (Holiday Blues!)"

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Fed Up

Lethargic

Procrastination
Energised

Refreshed

Proactive
What can I focus on to switch my mind into gear?
How can I add the buzz back into work?
If you are prone to the 'Holiday Blues' accept this as part of the 'going back to work' process and create your own personal strategies to deal with this. Appreciate the importance of being 'present' and focus on new exciting goals for the day. Plan something in your diary for an evening or weekend, so you have something social to look forward to.
And remember, it is often the contrasts in our lives that make the good bits seem so good , so maybe accepting some ups and downs in the natural cycle of the year and workload allows us to savour the good times.
Environment / Mind-Set

"I'm sat in a Magistrate Court waiting room and the Usher isn't particularly helpful, I feel intimidated!!"

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Frightened

Intimidated

Stress
Calm

Centred

In Control
Am I minimising the role I am playing here?
How can I look at my predicament in a more positive light?
What are my relaxation coping strategies?
Appreciate that this is a new environment for you and don't beat yourself up because you are nervous. See the Usher as a person just doing his job, you are as important as he is. View the experience as a challenge and a learning curve. Relax into the situation, monitor your breathing evenly, consciously let your muscles relax (letting go of any tension).
Home / Finances

"My landlady has put the rent up and I feel it is unjustly high."

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Indignant

Financially Frustrated

Taken Advantage Of
Fair Exchange


Financially In Control

Respected
Is she being unreasonable?
Is it negotiable and if so, how do I address it?
Am I prepared to look for alternative accomodation?
Do your research….find out if it's a fair rent. Approach the Landlady to negotiate (Use Shelley's Script if stuck on what to say).
Decide if it's time to move on or not and if you are prepared to make that move. Remember you very often have choices...........you just have to work them out!
Relationships

"I'm fed up of pussyfooting around my boyfriend, he makes me feel awful."


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Gloomy

People Pleasing

Stuck
Harmony


Partnership

Safe
What do I need to change?
How would I like the relationship to be? Is this a pattern in my life?
First is the awareness of WHAT you would like the Relationship to look like; feel like; be like.
Know what YOU need to change about YOU!
What character traits do you need to develop; eg. Assertiveness, Self Awareness, Ruthlessness.
Start to change your reactions and usual compliance to their demands / requests / suggestions. Become more demonstrative around your wants and needs. Changing yourself slowly will get YOU used to standing up for your Values. Expect Respect for You and take responsibility for obtaining that Respect.
Expecting them to change first will leave you waiting for a long time, take responsibility for making those changes yourself. Seek help from an outsider if you are unable to turn this around .
Mind-Set / Finances

"If only I had more money, I could just get on with my life!"

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Disheartened


Financially Frustrated

Miserable
Content

Financially In Control

Secure
Am I prepared to change my mind-set around my current situation?
What can I be grateful for today? How can I capitalise on the resources I already have?
Being satisfied with all you have is the quickest route to feeling Happy. Accept and appreciate things now.
Use the resources you already have. Stop complaining about your troubles and start offering thanks for the trouble you don't have.
Next time you catch yourself thinking about all the things you haven't got, stop yourself and start thinking about all the thing you don't want and haven't got and be grateful for the things you have instead.
Business / Mind-Set

"I know what I 'need' to do to grow my business, but cannot keep up the consistency needed to make it happen."

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Procrastination

Stuck

Stagnant
Focussed

Inspired

Proactive
Do I know what is stopping me taking the right action?
Am I prepared to overcome these blocks?
Have I got the right support around me?
Decide to do things differently, to break your current pattern of working. Write a goal of where you want to be in 12 months time and find someone you trust to be accountable to for it.
Break the goal down into monthly milestones.
Be aware and recognise what stops you following through with the steps and find a strategy that works for you.
Work with a trusted partner of find a Coach to make the progress you deserve.
Family

"I haven't seen my Parents for years (I fell out with them) and just recently have had the inkling I need to see them."

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Cut Off

Distant

Isolated
Love and Connection

Peace

Reconciled
Am I prepared to make the effort to take the steps needed regarding getting in touch? How can I make the first move?
Am I committed to putting the past behind me?
Decide on the best way to make contact; email, phone or letter (Use Shelley's Script to structure what to say - if you're stuck). 'Let go' of past events and previous judgements, accepting them for who and what they are.
Be prepared for the change in them; you and they are very different people from when you last were in contact.
Whatever their reaction (good or bad), know that making the effort to get in contact is YOU taking responsibility for healing the rift and well worth the effort.
Work

"A work colleague keeps making silly mistakes and I don’t know how to handle it. I keep covering up for him."


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Confused

Frustrated

People Pleasing
Balanced

In Control

Resourceful
Is this a repeating pattern in my life? Is my colleague aware of the mistakes?
How can I tactfully address the issue directly with him? What policies (if any) are in place at work for this scenario?
Decide whether to discuss the issue with your work colleague or your up-line manager. See this scenario as an opportunity to personally develop your own assertiveness and communication skills; if this is a repeating pattern in your life it would be great to tackle it head on!
Or, Refrain from covering up and let your colleague take the responsibility of his actions, he'll hopefully learn quickly.
Just doing SOMETHING different will create a new energy/dynamic in the work place and break the ongoing pattern.
Family

"My Mother is constantly picking at me, the way I look, the way I bring the children up etc. Now she's getting married and I don’t want to go to the wedding."


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Aggrieved

Bad Family Vibes

Resentful
Family Happiness

Loved

Valued
How can I change this long standing Family dynamic?
Am I prepared to be emotionally strong enough to tackle the situation?
What traits do I need to develop to make the difference?
Focus on how you'd like your relationship with your Mother to be (write it down). Work out how YOU need to behave and what character traits YOU need to develop to make this happen.
Start be expressing to your Mum how her comments hurt you, (using 'I' messages). Appreciate your Mum for her good qualities.
Decide to be happy for her upcoming marriage and embrace the happy side of the occasion.
Doing the emotional work needed to heal this situation will change your relationship for the better and you will emotionally grow as an individual.
Relationship

"My partner still has his 32 year old daughter under his wing financially and emotionally. It's blocking our relationship. What can I do?"

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Distant

Stuck

Wound Up
Hopeful

Progressive

Partnership
Have we discussed this issue as a couple?
Am I prepared to take this situation on board within our relationship?
Have I looked at it from all three angles or just my own?
Discuss the block you feel with your Partner (Use Shelley's Script if you don't know how to approach the subject).
Accepting that his daughter is high up on his Values…. look to accommodate her needs in an appropriate manner.
Work at overcoming any resentment that may have built up against her.....ongoing, it could taint your relationship. Appreciate that your Partner has created this situation (through his own set of beliefs, values and rules) and loving him for who he is will turn him into the person you love (unconditionally). Just know that working (emotionally) on these situations to fruition, will bring massive rewards.
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