126b Communication Survival Tool …….Saying ‘No’ (for People Pleasers)

Saying ‘No’ (for People Pleasers)

Saying No! (for People Pleasers) 


A lot of people have difficulty in ‘Saying No’ to others and end up spending all their time and energy running round after other people, rather than themselves.

There are many reasons we do this; we like to help people and feel needed; we don’t want to appear rude; we don’t want others to feel rejected; cause a row; be alienated or lose our friends.

Awareness is the key!

When you become aware something has to change, here are a few tips on how to make those changes………………………

Before you are about to say ‘Yes’ to something, ask yourself a Quality Question!

Have the Question on a ‘Post It’ in poignant places, to remind yourself to use it!!

The Question will be individual to you.

When I used this method, my Question was…………..

“Will it make me happy?”

If the answer was ‘No’, then I didn’t do it! And then I SAID ‘NO!’

This cut out a lot of activities and running around for other people.

Your Question may be………………..

  • “Can I use my time in a better way?”
  • “Will it make me money?”
  • “Does it feel right?”
  • “Do I want to do this?”
  • “Do I know/like this person well enough to give them my time?”
  • “Do they deserve my help?”

So when you’ve decided you are going to say ‘No’…………………………How do you phrase it?

Well here are a few examples:

  •  “Now is not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we talk again at……… time?”
  • “No, I can’t.”
  •  “I’d love to do this but……..”
  • “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities as the moment.”
  •  “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”
  • “I’m not the best person to help on this, Why don’t you try so and so?”

Work out which one is easiest for you to say and practise saying it out loud to yourself and then it will be easier when you need to deliver it.