126a Mind-Set Survival Tool……’Fantasy v Reality’

‘Fantasy v Reality’


Fantasy v Reality

I’ve put this Survival Tool in because when we live with and in our Fantasies, they keep us from working within the realms of our Reality.

Our Fantasies have their place; they shape our dreams and goals to a degree.

But when our behaviours are based on those Fantasies they can create the blocks that stop us taking the right action.

I’ll give you two examples that spring to mind:

A client, Alice, grew up craving and desperately wanting to create a HAPPY family life. So when she got married and had 3 lovely children, she thought she had hit the jackpot. But when that marriage went wrong, she couldn’t let go of it because she didn’t want to ‘break’ the Fantasy! Outwardly she lived the idyllic family life she had craved and inwardly she was extremely unhappy! No one knew or suspected how she felt. Her Fantasy and her desperate need to create that happy family kept her in a psychological prison.

Fantasy: Alice could create the perfect family life and everyone lives happily!

A client of mine, Beryl, has two grown up children and lives with the Fantasy that she can pass her life experiences and wisdom on to them, to the degree that she interferes in their lives, continually imposing her beliefs and values on them and ends up falling out with them on a continual basis.

Fantasy: Beryl could mould her children by imposing her own values and ideas on them.

Obviously the issues behind these two examples go a lot deeper than the story line. But the end result is that living with a Fantasy ultimately can cause a lot of stress and heartache!

Awareness is the key!

I called it a story line; actually that is what it is! A story we believe to be true, so if we change that story, we can change the outcomes we get!

So once you become aware of the Fantasy (story) that you have running in your mind, what do you do with it?

  • See the truth of the matter
  • Give yourself permission to Let Go of the Fantasy
  • Behave and act in accordance with the reality of the situation.


Alice eventually realised, after becoming very poorly with the stress, that the marriage had to end. Letting Go of  the Fantasy and moving on to create a new life, co-parenting the children separately, with the new mind-set of how a happy family life can look, just in a different form!

Beryl came to the conclusion that to sit back and support her children from a distance, in a way they could appreciate and accept, led her to a better relationships with them both.

(Not real names)